I Don't Know How To Be Something You Miss
by Go Radio
Summary: Fiona:  "All I felt was emptiness.  A person couldn't be empty.  Empty is when you drink all the water out of a glass and there's nothing left in it.  That was silly.  I couldn't experience the same thing as a glass of water."


I clapped enthusiastically while my brother, Orion, crossed the stage to finally become a nine. He was the last of the new nines to receive his bike. His little face was beaming with happiness. I couldn't help but grin back. The ceremony carried on. The old nines becoming new tens. I grew bored quickly, as becoming a ten wasn't very exciting for anyone. I searched the room with my eyes, maybe I could spot one of my friends. I recognized Lily, Jonas' sister, but where was Jonas? I decided not to dwell on the matter and went back to watching the ceremony.

I was caught off guard a few days later when an announcement came on over the speaker. "_Jonas, please report to your dwelling_," the voice spoke, then I heard the soft click of the speaker turning off. Had Jonas gone missing? He hadn't been at the ceremony, maybe something happened to him. I bit my lip; _what if he's hurt_? I thought to myself. I shook the thought. Jonas could take care of himself.

"Fiona, time for the evening meal," my mother called to me, her voice barely audible through my closed door.

"Yes, Mother, I will be right there," I replied and left my sleeping room.

Everyone knew Jonas was gone, but no one mentioned it. It would be rude to point it out, and being rude is against The Community's rules. Initially, nothing catastrophic happened when Jonas went missing. They had a ceremony of loss, and everyone carried on with their lives. For a while, I think a lot of us forgot about Jonas. Not completely, but he took a back seat in our minds. He wasn't of importance.

Yesterday, one of the elders was released. Her name was Avery. I had really liked Avery. She was very wise, but light hearted. I seemed to have had a connection with her. I remember that when Jonas left, my connection with her had seemed to grow stronger. When I heard she was going to be released, I knew she would go on to Elsewhere. She wouldn't be coming back. I felt _empty_. I couldn't explain it. I decided to swallow the feeling of emptiness and carried on with my day.

Everything seemed to be changing. Not all at once, just little things. For example, the other day one of the childless adults wandered out onto the street and just started to _cry_. The committee of Elder's had collected her, but I'll never forget her face. Her thin cheeks streaked with tears, her pale eyes (which I just noticed were like Jonas' eyes) full of wet, fat tears. It made _me_ want to cry. Another time, a man started to scream in pain, pleading for it to go away. He was given pain medicine, but he continued to scream. Just like when Jonas left, no one spoke of it.

It's been almost a year since Jonas abandoned our community. The peculiar occurrences were happening more and more often. What was even stranger was some people _didn't_ ignore them. Some people questioned why these events kept happening. No one had an answer.

Sometimes the Elders talked about all that was happening while I worked at my assignment. Everything was just so _strange_. With all that was happening, it even made myself question the community. Why were the rules the way they were? Why did they take that woman who was crying and release her? Why didn't they try and help her? Why did we have to take those little white pills? I remember the day after Jonas, Asher, and I had bathed the Elders, I has experienced the Stirring for the first time. I also recall a week after Jonas left, I stopped taking my pill. It was like someone or something was telling me not to. It felt like not only had the Community been turned upside down, but so had my life. Did this have to do with Jonas' disappearance?

Jonas…

Where _had_ he gone to? Elsewhere? That's what The Community told us, but for some odd reason, I didn't believe that. Lately, everyone has been in turmoil. More people were crying out. More were filled with anger and rage. More and more people were applying for release. Everything was out of balance. What was driving them to do this? Why wasn't I acting out like some others? All I felt was emptiness. That same emptiness when Avery had been released. Why did I even feel like this in the first place? A person couldn't be empty. Empty is when you drink all the water out of a glass and there's nothing left in it. That was silly. I couldn't experience the same thing as a glass of water.

I walked along the muddy banks of the river, not caring if my shoes became soiled. I stared at the swirling waters when it hit me. The emptiness, it felt like loss. It wasn't like the loss when that little four, Caleb, fell in the river. This was different. It was grief. It was pain. It was feeling alone. It was like being…empty.

Sometimes I wonder if Jonas ever thinks of me. I find myself thinking about him all the time lately. I remember the way his eyes were lighter than everyone else's, though no one called him out on it. I remember the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he smiled and laughed. How he would smile nervously when he was unsure of what was going on. Jonas had always been so kind to me. I miss him….

I don't think I've ever missed anything in my life before. I guess I missed my comfort object when it was first taken away from me, but I had gotten over that. Do I even know what it is like to miss someone? Not just an object, but an actual living, breathing, human being? I believe I miss Jonas…but does he miss me? I don't know how to be something that is missed. I suppose all I can do is hope that he misses me, and hope that he knows I miss him.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Authors Note<em>**

**_I do not own The Giver or anything else in this story. I wrote this for a school assignment, thought it might be good. xoxox  
><em>**


End file.
